Any Way You Dream It Read online

  By the time I fell into bed, having helped with a history assignment, made dinner, and explained basic algebra, I was barely holding it together, so of course I couldn’t sleep. My mind was racing with information and to-do lists and ways to solve this problem.

  I couldn’t give up my job right now. Apart from the money, I’d worked too hard to get to this point. Moving to my sister’s would mean leaving the kids there at four in the morning and dashing back to get them off to school. Do-able but far from ideal. And what if they were sick? What about soccer practice and dance lessons? And what about me? I wanted to do the right thing by the kids because I loved them, but that meant sacrificing my whole life indefinitely.

  It was a whole lot to ponder.

  ***

  The plan had always been that I’d stay at Chase’s Friday night and he would bone up on my life so he was all over the nitty-gritty by the next night. The cramped quarters at my place meant we decided to do that anyway.

  “I don’t want to go,” Katie was adamant. “You’ll like it once you get there,” I tried to cajole her.

  “I won’t.”

  “Well, that’s up to you, Katie. Look, I know this sucks. I know life feels out of control, but I really am doing my best and that’s all I can do. I already committed to going to the reunion, and you might find you have a great weekend at Grandma’s place.”

  Her attitude hadn’t exactly changed by the time we pulled up in front of Chase’s house, but she seemed to have accepted her fate in sullen silence. Then he kids saw the house and all their jaws’ dropped.

  “Is this for real?” Sophie asked.

  “Yep. Crazy, right?” Their reactions were the same as mine had been.

  “Chase lives in a castle,” Oliver voice was full of awe.

  “That’s exactly what I said when I first saw it.”

  He came bounding out the front door and his mother wheeled out behind him. I’d warned them about CeCe so they’d use their manners.

  “Look at you three adorable children.” She greeted them warmly. “I’m so excited you’re all here. “

  “Chase, your house is huge,” Oliver said, as if Chase might not have noticed.

  “I know. That’s why it’s so good you’re here. It’s been ages since anyone has dropped water balloons off the roof into the pool, and Mom and I were just saying what a shame that was.”

  An hour later, the kids were in the pool and even Katie looked like she was enjoying herself.

  “You’ve had quite a week, my dear.” CeCe patted my hand as we sat on the terrace watching Chase and the kids in the pool.

  “It hasn’t been my easiest ever.” Nor, in all honesty, had it been my hardest.

  “They’re lovely children. I’m sure their mother will come to her senses.”

  “I hope so. I don’t know how long I can keep this up and not screw up at work or with them.”

  “You’re doing fine. Let’s enjoy the weekend and then…”

  Yeah, it was the ‘and then’ I was worried about.

  ***

  Chase sat at one end of the sofa and I was curled at the other. The kids were asleep upstairs and his mother had retired to bed as well.

  “So when you signed up to help me, I bet this wasn’t quite how you pictured it, Manhattan.”

  “Not quite.” He ran stretched his arm along the sofa back, his bare feet stretched out before him on the coffee table. “I didn’t expect us to start a family so soon, I’ll be honest.”

  His tone told me he was joking despite everything. “Yeah me either. Or, you know, at all. I really am sorry about this.”

  “You shouldn’t be sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong,. In fact, I’d say you’re doing everything right for those kids. Although, I do have one complaint.”

  “Which is?”

  “Well, I did expect to spend a bit more time alone with you to practice getting the whole looking-natural-as-your-fiancé thing under control.”

  “In what way?’

  He ran his finger slowly along the back of my hand. “You know… the hand-holding, the back-rubbing, foot-massaging, kissing kind of ways.”

  “Oh, well, I think you probably don’t need any practice in any of those areas. Haven’t you already told me as much?”

  “True, but if we’ve never kissed before we might look awkward.”

  “We did kiss already. And you think kissing me would be awkward?”

  He was inching along the sofa and came to a stop where my curled up knee hit his thigh. “Not at all. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have wanted to kiss you since I met you. I mean kissing you properly; that other kiss was merely a goodnight kiss.”

  “True.” I tried not to stare at his mouth too closely.

  “I’m thinking of you, Lucy. It might look awkward if you act shocked, because you’re not used to kissing me.”

  “Also true.”

  His hand was now rubbing my knee distractingly.

  “Or worse, I might like kissing you so much that I overstep the bounds of public decency and have us thrown out of the reunion.”

  “That would be quite a scandal.”

  His hand brushed across y thigh a squeeze that sent warmth all the way up to my cheeks.

  “So maybe we should just have one kiss now. To avoid that possibility, that is.”

  I bit my lip. “Maybe.”

  He leaned in and his mouth met mine. It was warm and gentle, and when he ran his tongue along the seam between my lips I sighed.

  That was an opportunity for his tongue to meet mine. One hand stayed on my thigh and the other reached for the back of my neck, pulling me forward and keeping our mouths well and truly connected. It was delicious kissing Chase. It was intoxicating and hard to think and wonderful all at once. It’d been a long time since I’d been kissed and I don’t think anyone had ever kissed me with the authority and tenderness that Chase kissed me with.

  He pulled back and gave me a contented smile. “That was definitely not awkward.”

  “Not at all.”

  “Do you think maybe that was beginner’s luck? Should we give it another try?”

  All I could do was nod as he leaned in and took my mouth with his again. I inched forward and our chests met. The firmness of his felt so right against the softness of mine. The hand that had been at my neck slid down my back tantalizingly slowly and then cupped my butt. He hauled me onto his lap and pulled me even more firmly against him. I could feel every surface, every muscle, of his body against mine. I was melting and it was wonderful.

  I broke the kiss and looked at him. This was the very best bad idea either of us had had in a long time.

  And it was a bad idea. I had three kids to look after, and even though they weren’t mine, I couldn’t let one find me straddling Chase in his castle.

  I slid off his lap and adjusted myself. “So I think we have some chemistry.”

  “I agree.” I wanted him to push for more but I liked that he didn’t.

  “I think we can work with that.”

  “Whew,” I said. I was definitely interested in doing so, at least while we were still faking it.

  Chapter 12

  It was strange seeing my mother again. I hadn’t seen here since Joe’s funeral. It wasn’t that I had avoided her so much as I hadn’t been back to town, and for reasons of her own, she hadn’t come to Boston.

  She looked better. I guess the latest guy she was with—Kevin—was good for her. They’d been together for two years—a long time for her and it agreed with her. For the first time in a long time, she looked like a normal mother to me, navy blue cardigan and jeans. I was glad to see it—not because Chase was with me, because he’d been warned, but for the kids. No one wanted to see their grandmother in a miniskirt and stilettos.

  She came bounding down the stairs towards us and grabbed the kids in a big hug. “I’m so excited you’re here!”

  A small beagle followed her down the stairs and jumped on them, too.

 
“You’ve got a puppy?” Oliver was wide eyed with excitement.

  “That’s Jasper,” Kevin said from the front porch. “He gets pretty excited about visitors, but he’s harmless.”

  “And who do we have here?” My mother arched her brows in Chase’s direction.

  He extended a hand. “I’m Chase.”

  “I’m Sally, and that’s Kevin. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Now let’s all get inside and have some lunch. You must be starved after your drive.”

  Kevin passed the kids and Mom on the stairs. “I’ll give Chase a hand with the bags.”

  “Thanks for letting us stay here,” I said to Kevin.

  “Honey, this is your home. I know you don’t come up often, but you are always welcome.”

  Kevin was clearly the master of understatement I hadn’t been back in eight years well beyond the normal definition of not visiting often.

  Even before Joe died, he and Minnie had visited for the odd holiday, and I had made excuses not to come. Mom had usually behaved herself, but I hadn’t needed to come back to town. I had seen her, of course. She’d come to stay with Joe and Minnie sometimes, but after Joe got sick, it was as if she couldn’t stomach it. That was her modus operandi: avoidance.

  I grabbed a couple of bags and headed in. This might have been my home once, but it wasn’t how I remembered it. Inside, everything was neat as a pin. I don’t know if they had worked all week to make it nice or if it was always like this these days, but it was a far cry from when I’d lived at home. It even smelled good. Like my mother had been cooking.

  “I made chilli,” she said when I found them in the kitchen. “It was always your favorite when you were little.”

  She was right about that, though I had no memory of her making it once Dad had left. “Thanks.”

  She gave me a smile. She was trying. I was trying. More than anything, I wanted the kids to have a good weekend.

  “I thought we’d put the girls in Minnie’s old room. And we’ve put a fold-out bed in the office for Oliver.”

  “There’s an office?” I asked.

  “Kevin turned the spare room into one last spring. It looks real nice.”

  “Great.”

  “And Chase...Well, we can talk about that...”

  Sure. She wasn’t sure what the deal was with Chase and I. And I wasn’t quite sure how to explain it. If I told her we were engaged, she’d put us in the same room. I needed to tell her, but I was worried about Katie when I did. I didn’t think she’d be too thrilled with our engagement, but I also didn’t want to tell my niece I was a big fat liar. I really hadn’t needed Minnie running off on me this week. If only she could have waited a few more days to go into total meltdown, that would have been very helpful. Still, Minnie was clearly not about being helpful or considerate right now, and the rest of us needed to suck it up.

  The men joined us in the kitchen. Chase complimented my mother on her lovely home and, of course, declared his own love for chilli.

  “We put the bags upstairs, kids, if you want to go explore.”

  “Can Jasper come?” Oliver asked.

  “Sure he can.”

  As they headed up the stairs, it occurred to me that those two would be together every moment of the weekend. Little boys and dogs always found each other.

  “So, quickly. Where’s Minnie?” Mom asked.

  “Ran off to Atlantic City with a guy named Earl. Not sure when she’s coming back. I’m really hoping it’s soon and it’s without Earl. And before she gambles her money away, or worse.”

  “Oh my!” my mother said. “When did she leave? Have you heard from her? Is she all right?”

  “It’s been a week. That’s all I can tell you.”

  “Oh, honey. Those kids are so lucky they have you.” “Sure, but I’m not sure how long I can cover for her with them. Kids do notice these things.”

  Mom looked at me as if she was going to say something more, but all she said was, “Of course.”

  I felt the tension between us. She knew and I knew, and I suspected even Kevin knew that I’d been in that exact situation myself more than once. I recalled, at Katie’s age, I’d spent an entire week home alone while my mother was chasing some fisherman up in Portland, Maine. Standing here in her neat-as-a-pin home, in her blue cardigan, it almost seemed surreal that this same woman had done that.

  “Well, let’s just focus on ensuring the kids have a great weekend at least, and then we’ll come up with a plan,” said Kevin.

  I knew what the plan was. I was the plan. I would end up looking after the kids until their mother resurfaced because that was what would happen since I was the only one responsible enough to take care of them.

  “Okay.”

  “So, Chase, how do you know Lucy?”

  This was the moment. Put up or shut up and I never did know when to keep my mouth closed.

  “Uh, Mom? We’re engaged.”

  Her mouth formed a perfect O before spreading into a wide smile.

  “It’s a long story that I’ll tell you later, but it’s very important that the kids don’t know.”

  “Why?”

  “Trust me. Katie can’t take it on right now. She needs to know she has one person who is one hundred percent committed to her, and that person has to be me.”

  Her face fell. My mother had been dying to marry me off for years and brag about it to the whole town. I knew it and she knew it.

  I heard the kids coming. “Promise.”

  “We promise,” she and Keith said in unison.

  “Oh, yeah,” Kevin added. “Congratulations.” And he gave Chase a big ol’ manly slap on the back.

  When I finally made it up to my room after lunch, it felt more than a little odd. I hadn’t been in the room in maybe eight years. It looked the same except cleaner and neater. The whole day was like travelling back in time to a better version of my childhood.

  My mother followed me in. “It’s nice to see you home.”

  I didn’t say anything. I didn’t remember this place as a home so much as a house.

  “You seem happy,” was all I could manage to say.

  “I am. Kevin is a good man.”

  “Seems to be.”

  “We met at AA, you know.”

  “I didn’t.” I hadn’t bothered to ask at the time. My mother’s boyfriends never lasted long so I’d chosen not to invest in them emotionally.

  “Yes, and we’ve both been clean three years now. Well, he was already clean a year before he met me.”

  “I’m really pleased for you, Mom. That’s a good thing.”

  “One of the steps in my recovery is for me to make amends.”

  I really wasn’t up for that. “Maybe we could do that later…”

  “I might not get another chance. If you only visit every ten years...”

  “Mom, I don’t think that’s exactly fair, do you? I haven’t seen you beating a path to my door either, even since you’ve been clean.”

  “You’re right. I guess I needed to take care of me for a while. Get strong.”

  I sighed and sat on the bed. “That’s great for you. But can I ask when someone is going to step up and take care of me? When do I get a turn of not taking care of you, or Joe, or Minnie, or the kids? When do I get to go off and be crazy and selfish and make bad choices and then move on?”

  She was twirling a button on her cardigan nervously. “Uh, I don’t know, honey, maybe never.”

  “That’s honest at least.”

  “You were always the strong one and I guess we always expected you to stay that way.”

  “When you bothered to think about me at all.” It was harsh but true.

  “I am sorry. I’m sorry for what I did, and I’m especially sorry to see Minnie repeating my mistakes.”

  “What did you expect? You made it clear we were nothing without a man and that having one was more important than your own kids. No wonder history is repeating.”

  It occurred to me that, by bringing Chase,
a fake fiancé, to the reunion, I was living her mantra as well because I didn’t feel good or complete enough to show up on my own. I wasn’t as bad as Minnie, but I wasn’t much better.

  “I’m sorry. I was weak and…” She stopped herself from going on and busied herself restacking some magazines on the bureau. “Actually, that was it exactly. I was weak and I let that define me. You girls deserved better, and I didn’t give it to you. I can’t change it now. If I could, I’d go back in time and do a lot of things differently.”

  Wouldn’t we all? I just shrugged. I didn’t feel like making it all okay. It clearly wasn’t.

  “So tell me about Chase.”

  “He’s a journalist. I met him though Piper, my boss.”

  “He’s cute.” She always did like the pretty ones.

  “Yeah, probably too cute for his own good,” I has to concede the man was attractive.

  “There’s no such thing. And he really likes you. I can tell the way he looks at you. It’s so sweet. So romantic.”

  “He does. Listen, I’m going to tell you a secret and I absolutely need you to keep it. Can you keep a secret?” I had no idea. I didn’t know this new version of my mother at all but I didn’t want to lie to her. I was sick of secrets and lies and cover ups. That wasn’t who I wanted to be.

  “Of course I can.” She sat next to me on the bed.

  “We’re not really engaged.” Her face fell. “We’re really only friends. Patty goaded me on the phone and, well; I got myself in a tight spot. I was going to cancel and come clean, but then with work and the kids… all of a sudden, the weekend was upon us.”

  “That Patty. What I’d like to do to her…”

  “Get in line,” I joked.

  “Let me get this straight this very good-looking guy is pretending to be your fiancé so you can rub her nose in it?”

  “Well, more so that I look successful.”

  “He’s an excellent choice. But you realize that you’re already a success, right? You have a great job, you’re a good friend, and you look out for your family.”

  “That’s not how Patty measures success, and not so long ago, it wasn’t how you did either.”